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Cinci vs. Philly, Game 1 [20 Sep 2004|11:58am]
In light of recent comments about Cincinnati and Philadelphia, I'd like to pit the two against each other in random categories ... here's what happened so far:

round 1: Food
Cincinnati -- Chili
Philly -- Cheesesteak
Advantage -- Cinci, BARELY, just because can't put cinnamon on cheesesteaks ... until we come out with the chili cheesesteak.

round 2: racist cops
Cinci -- indiscriminate killing of black people by white cops
Philly -- indiscriminate beating of black people by all cops (yes, black ones, too)
Advantage -- Cinci, for being so blatant, comfortable, and exclusive with their racism.

round 3: rivers
Cinci -- the ohio
Philly -- the schuylkill and delaware
Advantage -- Philly ... Washington wasn't crossing the Ohio, people.

round 4: movies
Cinci -- None ... at least, none that feature Hulk Hogan.
Philly -- Rocky one through four
Advantage -- Philly, because a stupid, unskilled Italian beat up two black guys of better character and a commie ... and Philadelphians were so proud, they built a statue.

round 5: baseball
Cinci -- Reds
Philly -- Phils
Advantage: not even worth mentioning.

round 6: sports scandal
Cinci -- Pete Rose bet on baseball
Philly -- Allen Iverson chased his wife out of their house, naked, weilding a gun
Advantage: Philly ... I mean, tell me you aren't laughing.

round 7: shitty 70s sitcom
Cinci -- WKRP in Cincinnati
Philly -- The Cosby Show
Advantage: Philly ... what the hell is "WKRP in Cincinnati"?

round 8: PR nightmare
Cinci -- Lighting the river on fire
Philly -- Incinerating 65 houses from a helicopter firebomb
Advantage: Cinci, because people expect cops to be stupid a-holes, but lighting the river on fire? How did the mayor's office explain that one?

round 9: football chant
Cinci -- Hoo-dey! Hoo-dey! Hoodey think gonna beat them Bengals?
Philly -- Fly, Eagles, fly! ... not gonna type the whole song.
Advantage: Philly. Hoodey think gonna beat them Bengals? I'll tell you who ... most of the teams that played them in the past 15 years.

round 10: Bigger moment of triumph
Cinci -- Deciding the President for the past 40 years.
Philly -- Winning the Revolutionary War.
Advantage: Philly. You guys have a lot of explaining to do for this President.

round 11: Bigger moment of shame
Cinci -- Pete Rose bet on baseball.
Philly -- Rocky five.
Advantage: Cinci, only because we didn't name a street after Rocky five.

round 12: Insane celebrity
Cinci: Marge Schott
Philly: John Street
Advantage: Where else can your typical, car-dealership-owning, racist (i'm sensing a pattern), jew-hating baseball-team owning senile old lady rub dog hair on her players and ... well, that's enough ... Cincinnati, that's where!



It's a tie ... we shall continue this later.
7 comments|post comment

GRADUATION! *tear* [13 May 2004|05:45pm]
So, after four years at Penn, here is my alphabet soup of a transcript (notice the grades going slowly downward, hitting rock bottom at my horrendous and ridiculously time-consuming Fall '02 semester):

UNOFFICIAL TRANSCRIPT
AT THE UNDERGRADUATE LEVEL
* * * * * * * * * * ACADEMIC PROGRAM * * * * * * * * * * *

Admitted From: CONESTOGA HIGH SCHOOL

School: ENGINEERING & APPLIED SCIENCE
Division: ENGINEERING & APPLIED SCIENCE UNDERGRAD
Degree Program: BACHELOR OF SCIENCE IN ENGINEERING
Major: COMPUTER SCIENCE & ENGINEERING


* * * * * UNIVERSITY OF PENNSYLVANIA COURSE WORK * * * * * *

Fall 2000 ENGINEERING & APPLIED SCIENCE UNDERGRAD
CSE 120 PROG LANG & TECH I 1.00 CU A
CSE 130 PROG LANG & TECH LAB I 0.50 CU A
CSE 260 MATH FOUND COMP SCI I 1.00 CU C+
ECON GH002 INTRO ECON MACRO 1.00 CU C+
ENGL 005 WRITING ABOUT THE NOVEL 1.00 CU A-
Term Statistics: 4.50 CU GPA 3.18
Cumulative: 4.50 CU GPA 3.18

Spring 2001 ENGINEERING & APPLIED SCIENCE UNDERGRAD
CSE 121 PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES AND
TECHNIQUES II 1.00 CU A+
CSE 131 PROG LANG & TECH LAB II 0.50 CU A+
CSE 261 MATH FOUNDATIONS OF COMPUTER
SCIENCE II 1.00 CU A-
PHYS 150 PRINCIPLES I 1.50 CU A
PSYC 001 INTRO TO EXP PSYCH 1.00 CU B+
Term Statistics: 5.00 CU GPA 3.80
Cumulative: 9.50 CU GPA 3.51

Summer 2001 ENGINEERING & APPLIED SCIENCE UNDERGRAD
PHYS 151 PRINCIPLES II:
Electromagnetism and Radiation
1.50 CU A-
Term Statistics: 1.50 CU GPA 3.70
Cumulative: 11.00 CU GPA 3.53

Fall 2001 ENGINEERING & APPLIED SCIENCE UNDERGRAD
ACCT 101 PRINCIPLES OF ACCOUNTING 1.00 CU B-
CSE 240 INTRO TO COMP ARCH 1.00 CU A-
CSE 262 AUTOMATA,COMPUT.& COMPLX 1.00 CU B
SYS 301 ENGINEERING PROBABILITY 1.00 CU B
Term Statistics: 4.00 CU GPA 3.10
Cumulative: 15.00 CU GPA 3.42

Spring 2002 ENGINEERING & APPLIED SCIENCE UNDERGRAD
CSE 341 COMPILERS & INTERPRETER 1.00 CU B
CSE 371 DIG SYS ORG AND DESIGN 1.00 CU B-
CSE 372 CSE LAB 0.50 CU A
PSYC 162 ABNORMAL PSYCHOLOGY 1.00 CU C+
Term Statistics: 3.50 CU GPA 2.86
Cumulative: 18.50 CU GPA 3.31

Fall 2002 ENGINEERING & APPLIED SCIENCE UNDERGRAD
CSE 330 DSG PRINCIPLE INFO SYST 1.00 CU C+
CSE 380 COMPUTER OPER SYSTEM 1.00 CU C
CSE 381 COMP OPERATING SYS LAB 0.50 CU B
HIST 430 THIRD REICH 1.00 CU P
MKTG 101 INTRO TO MARKETING 1.00 CU B
Term Statistics: 4.50 CU GPA 2.51
Cumulative: 23.00 CU GPA 3.18

Spring 2003 ENGINEERING & APPLIED SCIENCE UNDERGRAD
ASTR 012 INTRO ASTROPHYSICS II 1.00 CU B
CSE 320 INTRO TO ALGORITHMS 1.00 CU B-
NURS 333 VICTIMOLOGY 1.00 CU A
PSYC 168 HUMAN SEXUALITY 1.00 CU B+
Term Statistics: 4.00 CU GPA 3.25
Cumulative: 27.00 CU GPA 3.19

Fall 2003 ENGINEERING & APPLIED SCIENCE UNDERGRAD
ASTR 011 INTRO ASTROPHYSICS I 1.00 CU C+
CSE 140 INTRO COGNITIVE SCIENCE 1.00 CU B
CSE 331 INTRO TO NETWRKS & SEC 1.00 CU B
CSE 400 SENIOR PROJECT 1.00 CU A
GAFL 715 LOCAL ELECTIVE POLITICS 1.00 CU B+
Term Statistics: 5.00 CU GPA 3.12
Cumulative: 32.00 CU GPA 3.18

Spring 2004 ENGINEERING & APPLIED SCIENCE UNDERGRAD
CSE 099 UGRAD RESRCH/IND STUDY 1.00 CU A
CSE 401 SENIOR PROJECT 1.00 CU A
GAFL 532 BIG CITY POLITICS:
How to Pass Municipal Legislation
1.00 CU A-
PSYC 139 NEUROENDOCRINOLOGY 1.00 CU C
Term Statistics: 4.00 CU GPA 3.43
Cumulative: 36.00 CU GPA 3.21
Equivalent Credit: 8.00 CU
Total Credit: 44.00 CU

* * * * * * * * * PENN EQUIVALENT CREDIT * * * * * * * * * *

Advanced Placement Credit: CSE 110 1.00 CU
ECON 1 1.00 CU
HIST 41 1.00 CU
HIST 42 1.00 CU
MATH 140 1.00 CU
MATH 141 1.00 CU
MUSC 25 1.00 CU
PHYS 5 1.00 CU

Total Penn Equivalent Credit Awarded: 8.00 CU

* * * * * * * NO ENTRIES BEYOND THIS POINT * * * * * * * *


Whew ... the time flew by. And after 18 computer science classes (plus 1 AP credit), yeah i think i've had enough of computers. Perhaps graduate school in journalism is next, since I've developed a keen eye for pointing out the lies from Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter, and Rush Limbaugh, after being inspired by Al Franken. And maybe you, Eric, could help me in my new career?
5 comments|post comment

hi [09 Jul 2003|09:35pm]
[ mood | mischievous ]

i'm making jon (shihman) happy by updating. too bad i just ruined his night by totally shattering his confidence.

9 comments|post comment

Random thoughts [07 Jul 2002|07:29pm]
Band of the month: Tenacious D
great songs include "fuck you softly" and "tribute to the greatest song in the world"

My brother cracks me up: he calls Canada the B-team...ya know, the benchwarmers for the US?....fuckin' B-teamers

When my family played asshole at our family reunion, my brother made a rule that you could only refer to other players by their given nicknames.

My nickname was Nipple Clips. Again, I died laughing.

Not as funny as my Aunt's nickname, though.....Cockgobbler.
2 comments|post comment

BONNAROO (www.bonnaroo.com) [07 Jul 2002|07:12pm]
Man, Tennessee is fucking FAR!

I mean, 17 hours, man i've never driven that long in my life. Bonnaroo was the best concert experience I've ever had in my life. I was astounded at the amount of drugs that my brothers ingested:

snorted: ritalin, crystal methane, addorol (is that how you spell it?), special K, pure ecstacy
ate: mushrooms
smoked: weed, opium, angeldust


I stopped at mushrooms (and weed and opium and ritalin).

But the concert, it was amazing. Bands playing until 5am every night...it was incredible. The second night, I couldn't decide whether to listen to moe. or Galactic, so I listened to both, sitting with my future sisters-in-law in a field, trpping from the mushrooms. Of course, they were in worse shape than me, but it was fun as hell!

That same night, I met one of my brother's friends from penn state. He is one of the cutest guys i've ever met in my life. Thought I'd never see him again....until he came to my brother's graduation party a week later. I was sitting in the hot tub with him, reminiscing about bonnaroo. His girlfriend was sitting to my right, he to my left. The fact that his girlfriend knew that I thought he was cute made it that much more....weird. But whatever.

Also at the graduation party, my brother's friends skinny dipping....everyone but hottie took part in this. What a prick.
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Which reason is it? (I used the top picture in my previous post) [13 Jun 2002|02:34am]
Status: REJECTED.
The moderators have decided that your submission is inappropriate for HOT or NOT. There are many reasons why it may have been rejected. Some of the most common reasons are:

Contact information, such as URL's, email address, or IM names written on the photo or in your Meet Me profile. *not true*

Nudity, pornography, or sexually suggestive poses. HOT or NOT is strictly PG. *not true*

Sexually explicit text in your Meet Me profile. See above.
You are wearing lingerie, underwear, etc. *not true*

You look like you are under 18.

Your image server doesn't work with our site. To check, go to your direct link and hit Refresh/Reload.

Your photo is broken, too big (wider than 640 pixels), or takes too long to load.

Group photos. It is unclear which person we are supposed to vote for.

Your submission appears to be an advertisement.

The photo appears to be that of a model or celebrity.
5 comments|post comment

[10 Jun 2002|11:49pm]
I went to the beach and I'm still white:


4 comments|post comment

Jim Thorpe, Pennsylvania [27 May 2002|02:39am]
[ mood | awake ]

What a stupid name for a town. Seriously. They named the town after an NFL quarterback.

At our camp site, I witnessed one of God's greatest and most beautiful creations.....the female mullet, aka "femmullet." I admired from afar as this enormously breasted beast led her chariot (Winnebago) into its royal lair, located at lot #42 of Camp Jim Thorpe. I wanted to get in a picture with the rotund mammoth, but alas I was intimidated (or, dare I say, blinded) in the presence of such perfection.

So nightfall is upon us, and we create a campfire. This was no ordinary campfire, as it was being controlled by drunken pyromaniacs. But hey, we're smart "Ivy Leaguers", we know what we're doing. Being the experimental "Ivy Leaguers" that we are, we proceeded to see what lit on fire the fastest. So naturally we did what any smart person would do and threw everything in sight into the fire.

Enter Jack Daniels....as Dave Attel put it: "That drink should come with bail money and clothes....because when you're on Jack, you don't know where you'll end up, but you won't be wearing any pants." Luckily for the homophobia of my campmates, we ended up shirtless and not pantless around the fire. This seemed like a good idea to us drunkards ("40 degrees shmorty degrees, who gives a flying fuck how cold it is?"). But just when the fire was at its apex, we thought it wasn't burning well enough, so we did what any bright "Ivy Leaguer" would do....we threw Jack Daniels into the fire. One of the fellow campers challenged me and said that JD wouldn't burn in the fire and called me stupid for thinking otherwise. But I showed him! That fire flew about 6 feet in the air and nearly reached our entire wood supply.

Who's the idiot now?!

On a side note, my stomach and JD got in a fight on the last night of camping. I can tell my stomach won, because it tossed the JD back in the opposite direction.

Camping is so fun!

5 comments|post comment

[19 May 2002|08:01pm]
dear greg,

thanks for stealing my away message you sack of shit

sincerely, reno
1 comment|post comment

Christy Likes Patrick [18 May 2002|03:28am]
[ mood | awake ]


7 comments|post comment

Saddam's gay lover reveals all! (From the Weekly World News) [18 May 2002|03:23am]
PARIS -- Iraqi strongman Saddam Hussein has split from his longtime gay lover after a bitter public spat -- and now the flamboyant dictator's ex-boyfriend is telling all the juicy details of the breakup!

"Saddam treated me like dirt," angry Terry Hammell, now 36, said in a world-exclusive interview. "He used me as a sexual plaything for years and then, when he decided I was getting too old, he tossed me aside like some used Kleenex. He just broke my heart."

Spurned Terry cataloged his much-older lover's misdeeds, claiming that Saddam:

Forced him to dress up for bizarre "role play" games, including "Cellmates in a Turkish Prison," "Patient and Nurse" and "Sultan and Harem Boy."
Subjected him to "daily bare-bottomed spankings."
Made him work out four hours a day to maintain a lean, sexy body.
Cheated on him repeatedly with hunky soldiers from the elite Republican Guard.
Verbally abused him when he gained weight, mockingly calling him "my little sow."
Infected him with at least three sexually transmitted diseases.
French-born Terry says that when the relationship began well over a decade ago, he thought he'd met the man of his dreams.

"I was just 25 at the time and I was flattered by the attention," he says.

"We would walk hand in hand in the palace gardens and make love on the rooftop under the stars. Or sometimes we'd just take bubble baths together and watch old gladiator movies.

"It didn't bother me that Saddam insisted on staying in the closet. I knew he had his macho image to maintain and I was content to stay in the background."

But the romance began to sour as Terry hit 30 and started losing his youthful waistline.

"For a long time, I tried to ignore the lustful looks Saddam gave troops on parade, and the rumors that he was sleeping with several of his handsome military aides," he says.


But it became impossible to ignore the gossip when, in December, Terry caught the tubby, mustachioed despot romancing a rosy-cheeked young corporal under his desk.

That night, the sweethearts had an angry confrontation at a packed diplomatic ball.

"I accused Saddam flat out of cheating on me -- and he slapped me right in the face," recalls Terry. "As I stood there, crying my eyes out, he called me a 'silly @#$*&.'

"He said he was the most powerful man in the Middle East and would sleep with whoever he pleased. I finally ran out, weeping."

Fearing reprisals, Terry fled the country and has taken refuge in his native Paris.
3 comments|post comment

Poor Kenny [15 May 2002|05:45pm]
He left me his stuffed dog, Patrick.
This thing is enormous.
But it's so cute.
I think I'll keep it:

12 comments|post comment

My new favorite song [12 May 2002|11:47pm]
Primus: The Return of Sathington Willoughby

consequently, "The Brown Album" is my new favorite album
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I LOVE Eminem's new song [08 May 2002|07:38am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

hmmm....he hates gays, but his music is so good.....it's the kind of debate that no gay man can settle (unless of course, you hate his music). See, the thing about this song is that he's not singing about raping/beating/stabbing/clubbing/firebombing/killing his wife and kids; he never says, "I KILL YOU, BITCH!"; but his voice is still annoying. But his music is so good.



"Without Me" is a song I'd actually dance to.


I said
This looks like a job for me,
so, everybody, just follow me
'cause we need a little controvery
'cause it feels so empty without me.


Actually, his voice is fucking annoying me, probably since it's 7:40 AM.


Fuck, I gotta pack.

3 comments|post comment

I almost forgot.... [06 May 2002|02:56pm]
[ mood | amused ]

This is the funniest joke I've ever heard:

So two psychologists were having lunch together.
One psychologist says to the other, "I made a terrible Freudian slip this morning."
The other psychologist says, "What did you say?"
He then replies "Well, what I meant to say was, 'Honey, could you please pass me the milk?', but it came out as 'You stupid fucking bitch, youve ruined my entire life!' "

2 comments|post comment

Am I Evil for Laughing at This? [18 Mar 2002|02:02pm]
[ mood | dirty ]

So when in Toronto, Jay Greg and I were at this pizzeria. These two canadian guys were making us crack up the entire time. So we get in the classic "Canada, America: Which one is better?" argument. We make fun of their accents, and the Canadian retorts: "Hey, at least our buildings stay not-crashed-into."

I LOST it. Thought that was so goddam funny, yet bad at the same time. So am I truly evil? Vote!

13 comments|post comment

Toronto [17 Mar 2002|11:22am]
[ mood | tired ]

Damn, what a week.

Here are the highlights:

1) Plane ride from Philly to Toronto: Stay up all night, left for airport at 4:20 (of all times), plane takes off at 6:30 EST, lands in Chicago 7:30 Central, get on next plane at 11:30, plane goes very fast and is about to take off before pilot makes the sharpest right turn in aviation history, making plane go on right side and then finally stabilizing itself, wait on tarmac for 2 hours with SEATBELT FASTENED! Got two bags of peanuts, then plane leaves at 1:30 central, gets to Toronto at 4:30 EST. Pass out at Jay's friends plush apartment.

2) FLY: shirtless men that appear on QAF attend the club where QAF is filmed. I get to dance with shirtless guy....he was OK.

3) Also got to dance with gerg.

4) Ate at Chinatown for too many meals, thank God my future in laws had me eating American on the fourth day.

5) Saw the Flyers play the Maple Leafs! At the Air Canada Centre! I was being the BIGGEST jackass, even though the Flyers didn't even win (a 1-1 tie). People were telling me to "sit the fuck down", and "philly sucks", and "you suck", and "go to hell you fucking American".

6) Strippers at Remington's: I got two private dances from "Panther". Holy shit, you're actually allowed to touch male strippers and kiss them all over, unlike fucking tight-ass female strippers. It's good to be gay.

will continue this post....I am hungry....

11 comments|post comment

Speaking of shrooms, does anyone have any? [01 Mar 2002|02:18pm]
[ mood | Accomplished, High ]


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FREEDOM! [01 Mar 2002|11:54am]
I was gonna go workout at the gym.....but then I got high.
I was gonna ace my midterm today......but then I got high.
I promised myself I would not sleep in.....but then I got high.


Actually, I did good on my midterm today, considering it was 5 pages (front and back) of free response questions on compilers. Also, one of the smartest Phi Sigs couldn't finish the test, so that made me feel good.

Toronto, T minus 7 days.....
2 comments|post comment

FREEDOM! [01 Mar 2002|11:54am]
I was gonna go workout at the gym.....but then I got high.
I was gonna ace my midterm today......but then I got high.
I promised myself I would not sleep in.....but then I got high.


Actually, I did good on my midterm today, considering it was 5 pages (front and back) of free response questions on compilers. Also, one of the smartest Phi Sigs couldn't finish the test, so that made me feel good.

Toronto, T minus 7 days.....
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